


Human Body (Dragon Mind)

by Kayasurin



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Azula is proud of all the wrong things, Dragons! (Sort of), Fire Nation Family is fucked up, Ozai's a monster, Species Dysphoria, This surprises no one, Zuko's got issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:53:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kayasurin/pseuds/Kayasurin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He feels the shadow of wings on his back, the weight of armored scales and the fire in his stomach. Dragon. His father snorts and ignores him; Zuko eyes Ozai like a predator examining prey. Not yet, he thinks. The prey's too big and the dragon's too small.</p><p>---</p><p>Azula wasn't the only person in the Fire Nation's ruling family to have "issues". Zuko's have always been better hidden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WiseAbsol](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WiseAbsol/gifts).



1\. Zuko's first memory is of stalking up and down the hall, growling and hissing and telling everyone he's a dragon.

He feels the shadow of wings on his back, the weight of armored scales and the fire in his stomach. Dragon. His father snorts and ignores him; Zuko eyes Ozai like a predator examining prey. Not yet, he thinks. The prey's too big and the dragon's too small.

His mother, though, laughs and cuddles and says _of course_ he is, going to be big and strong and have the hottest fire.

Zuko thinks, no, he's going to be the best _predator_. He'll take what's his (everything, everything will be his) and no prey will be safe from his claws.

And he will have claws.

2\. By the time he's eight, everything's clear. He's stopped telling people he's a dragon but he can still feel the wings, the scales, the mist of claws at the tips of his fingers. Firebending involves punching and kicking; he's always better when he can slash and jab, and he doesn't care about 'firm stances' because he'd rather be up in the air.

He's also clear on what's his. Mom. Uncle Iroh, even if Uncle Iroh's pushy and keeps thinking he should be the boss of everything. Cousin Lu Ten, who laughs and lets Zuko lead and he doesn't get it yet but he will, or Zuko will make Lu Ten understand. Later. Always later.

Azula isn't his. Ozai- Father, always Father, never _ever_ slip up- isn't his. They're rivals. Not quite prey; you don't eat your rivals. Ty Lee isn't his, but she's also not a rival, so he does his best to ignore her. Mai- she's quiet, and dangerous, and he _likes_ that, thinks about making Mai his, but she's not a dragon so he has to be careful. She wouldn't understand what he's doing.

One day, he'll have his claws and he'll have proper fire and he will _deal_ with them. And then Uncle Iroh and Lu Ten will bow their heads. He's the predator, the dragon. They're only human.

3\. Mom is gone, and Grandfather's dead, and Lu Ten's dead, and Uncle Iroh's broken. Ozai is Fire Lord.

Zuko doesn't understand. Grandfather was never his- Grandfather wasn't a person, didn't matter- and now everything is wrong. Mom was his. Mom is gone. Father was going to kill Zuko (no, because Ozai is Father and even if they're rivals they're still family, Zuko's still his son, doesn't that _matter_?) and Azula was happy and he understands that, even if he doesn't. Because he might be a dragon but he's also human and young and _why_?

And Lu Ten comes home in an urn, ashes interred in the family crypt. Uncle Iroh is so quiet, so broken, all the fight and fire gone out of him. Of course Zuko latches onto him. Uncle Iroh's his. All that's left that belongs to him. If Zuko loses Uncle Iroh, he won't have anything else. Uncle Iroh needs to be reminded of his nephew. He needs to remember there's a reason to get up in the morning.

And Ozai- Ozai took away what was Zuko's, gloats over Uncle Iroh, who belongs to Zuko, and Zuko realizes he's going to have to be sneaky. Pretend. Because he has to survive to take back what's his, and more, take what should be his. Ozai is no ruler; Ozai is a spoilt brat of a child, greedy and short sighted and _he will burn_.

Not yet. Right now, Zuko needs to pretend. So he does. He pretends there are no wings, no scales, no claws. He focuses on his firebending (and it's still wrong, but he does it, he will get it right and no one will ever see any mistakes) and keeps his practice with swords hidden. Firebenders don't use swords, even if they're practically claws.

(Knives, now... Zuko dares anyone to try taking away his knife. Uncle Iroh gave it to him. He thinks it'll make a great start to his future hoard.)

He pretends Uncle Iroh's getting better, even if the man's only getting fat. He pretends that he grieves for Grandfather and that he doesn't understand why Mom's gone. He's not stupid. Grandfather charged Ozai to kill Zuko for the throne (did Grandfather know? Or did he just not like Zuko, who tripped because walking on two legs never felt quite _right_ ) and then he's dead and Mom's gone. How stupid do people think he is?

He pretends Ozai doesn't go to Azula's room late at night, and not leave until just before dawn. He pretends not to understand why she's so smug. Tells everyone who asks that it's because she's a _prodigy_ , not because Ozai...

And that's wrong, because Ozai's her (their) _father_.

There is something very wrong with them.

4\. Ozai burns him.

Zuko rages at the pain, at the unfairness of it all. The soldiers belong to the Fire Lord, the Fire Lord is supposed to protect them, if Ozai won't then Zuko will!

Except he can't. He spoke up, because those recruits are _his_. And he accepted the Agni Kai, because he will tear this impotent bastard threatening what's his into pieces.

Only it's not the General. It's Ozai. Zuko's not ready to fight Ozai yet, tear his rival down in a display of blood and flames and fury.

So he kowtows, and begs. Tears of humiliation stream down his cheeks.

"Please, Father! I am your loyal son!"

Yes. That's not a lie. Zuko can't lie. He is Ozai's loyal son.

No one else will kill the man.

Ozai burns him.

5\. Dragon's need a territory, and Zuko doesn't have one. The ship isn't quite enough, the crew hate him, and they might be his but they'd rather not be.

And Uncle Iroh... The man is pushing again. Zuko needs to remind the old man of his place; valued, yes, but _not in charge_.

Zuko prowls the ship and practices his firebending and learns from Uncle Iroh how to breathe fire. That, alone out of all firebending forms, feels right. Zuko also practices prowling his own ship, staying hidden from his own crew, learning all the ways to not be seen. He picks up a mask that's almost a dragon, the closest he can get outside the Fire Nation, and doesn't even care about the color.

Then the Avatar wakes up, and every long suppressed instinct in Zuko roars to life.

If he's going to return to the Fire Nation and take back what's his, he needs the Avatar.

The Avatar, therefore, is _his_.

6\. It's only in the North Pole that Zuko realizes how fierce the Avatar's waterbender is. He likes it. He'll let her live; she's the only female in this ice-crusted hell worth a scrap of his attention, and she commands so much more than mere scraps.

She thrashes him, encases him in a globe of water and he breaks out. But she is the storm, she is the ship-sinking wave, and she freezes him to the wall.

He wakes up, and melts the ice.

Because it is her, because she is fierce, he knocks her out but doesn't kill.

That, he later finds, is a mistake.

7\. Azula invites him home, her voice sweet as honey and twice as thick. He wants- his territory, his rank, food and shelter and his family around him...

But Azula has never been family, and Ozai is nothing but a rival.

When she attacks, betrays... he is disappointed. But not surprised.

8\. He travels the Earth Kingdom, a dragon in human skin, a firebender among earthbenders. He learns, now, that he'd never known how to blend in. He learns, now, the trick of it, of acting like something you are not.

He is not Lee.

He is not weak.

He is not human.

He did, however, miss his Uncle. The old man is more important than he'd realized.

Dragons do, after all, need their family.

9\. Azula has him thrown underground. No doubt she thinks the lack of sunlight will weaken him. And yes, his firebending won't be as strong. But he's never relied on it, not entirely.

When the Water Tribe peasant is dropped in after him, they don't fight. Well, not much.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you before."

"It doesn't matter."

"It's just that, for so long now, whenever I imagined the face of the enemy, it was your face."

"My face. I see."

He knows he is scarred. Ugly. But is he really as bad as that?

The girl, Katara, offers to heal him. Heal his scar, heal his shame, and heal his honor.

His honor... is more complicated than anyone can imagine. He owes Ozai his loyalty, his fidelity, because the man is stronger, is Fire Lord, is Father. He might not like Ozai- Zuko suspects he, in fact, hates Ozai- but he will serve him.

But Zuko is also a dragon, and dragons serve Agni first, humans never. They might work with humans, might be friends with them, but not servants. A dragon's honor is bound to Agni. Not to parents, not to clan, not to country.

He considers the offer, but in the end he thinks too long. The Avatar arrives, and Katara- the girl- runs off and takes his salvation with her.

He is scarred, and the scar binds him to the Fire Lord's definition of honor.

10\. Zuko goes home.

The Fire Nation is just as he remembers it; warm, humid. Stepping off the barge, wearing (heh) a prince's ransom of gold and silk, he remembers Ba Sing Se. He wore green then, cheap cotton, and the air had been cold to someone born to equatorial summers. The Fire Nation's winter never got as cold as Ba Sing Se's summer afternoon, he thinks.

His people cheer his arrival, and some horrible, unsettled part of him calms at the sight of them all.

But... they are thin. Their faces are happy, yes, but desperate. As if something horrible will happen, but if they ignore it, it might go away and not crush them.

The Palace is just the same. Thin on servants, and those who still work there are nervous, jumpy, and frightened.

Ozai continues to spend the night in Azula's room.

There is something wrong here. There is something very wrong, and Zuko...

Zuko is home.

There is nothing for him to do.


	2. Chapter Two

1\. Zuko dreams of dragons. One speaks with his sister's voice. One speaks like Uncle. In his dream, he has no scar- and he is human. There are no shadow-wings draped over his shoulders, no invisible claws tipping his fingers.

He wakes up (is it a nightmare if you're not actually frightened?) and relaxes when he feels armored scales, as substantial as mist, ghost over his skin. He flexes his fingers, imagining claws picking at the silken bed sheets.

He is a dragon. He might have doubts about his family, about his honor, but this, at least, he knows is true.

2\. "Oh, Zuko." Azula steps closer. She's wearing a robe, while he's in his armor. Zuko's only just gotten back from a... from a war counsel, where they listened to him. Azula looks like she just rolled out of bed. The robe gapes, slightly, at the front, and he can see the shadow of bruises at the base of her throat. They look a bit like finger prints.

"What do you want?"

Azula smirks, and trails a hand over his shoulder. "You look like Father," she says, all but purring.

It's all he can do to not run away.

3\. It feels wrong to be at the beach. There are things he should be doing. Granted, he doesn't know what they are, but he should be doing them anyways.

Instead, he's sitting with Mai, trying to help her enjoy herself as much as possible. He's aware that it's a somewhat... difficult task. But she is still and deadly, and her knives are as sharp as claws.

Besides, as long as he's near Mai, Azula doesn't look at him. That is something he can't stand, now. It's more than just the fact that she's a rival. It's more than the dragon in him responding to a threat. The human in him, miniscule though the amount may be, is disgusted by something he doesn't want to think about.

So he stays close to Mai, and away from his sister.

4\. Uncle Iroh is in prison and refuses to speak to him. Zuko returns to the palace, to his room- but people enter his room, so he climbs to the roof. For the first time in a long time, he's clumsy at it. Almost human, really.

What honor does he heed, the honor of a human, or the honor of a dragon?

He is a dragon. He _is_. That is his spirit, his core, his self.

But his body is human.

That's the problem, isn't it?

What does he do now?

5\. The eclipse lasts eight minutes, and that's long enough. Zuko says what he wants to say, redirects lighting, even though he knows it won't kill Ozai, and steals a balloon and escapes. It's not his most thought out plan, but it's better than staying and the air has never smelt better.

He will join the Avatar. He will help. This is his destiny, this is why Agni had a dragon born to human skin. Because only a dragon can break his family's honor, shatter it to pieces, and remain whole. Only a dragon can go against the Fire Lord.

There will be resistance, he knows. He accepts that. He will even, in a way, welcome it.

Because he is free, and there is no going back.

6\. Zuko is jealous of the dragons, born in their proper skins, but they show him everything he was doing wrong. He is a dragon in human shape, and _this_ is how he is supposed to bend. And he does, and for the first time in his life it feels _right_.

Katara eases up on him after they track down Yon Rha. He supported her, he didn't argue, he didn't try to take the moral high ground. He'd be the greatest of hypocrites then, wouldn't he? After all, he's plotting out how to stop the Fire Lord, his father- who was likely behind his mother's vanishing.

He and Sokka rescue Suki, Hakoda, and a few others from prison. It's a challenge, but Zuko is a dragon so he rises to meet it. Sokka proves to be quite competent as well. It surprises Zuko that Azula didn't simply sear through the trolley cables, but perhaps it was only that she wanted a way out of the prison sooner rather than later.

He becomes part of the gang, and if he calls these people his friends, his heart knows they are his clan.

7\. "Your heartbeat's funny, Sparky."

"Hello to you too, Toph. Nice day, isn't it?"

"Hah. No, why's it funny?"

"I don't know."

"But- you're doing it again! Flexing your fingers all weird. Like you've got claws."

What the hell. "I'm a dragon, Toph."

"Is this a Fire Nation thing?"

"Probably."

"Huh." She sits down beside him. "I'm a badger-mole."

Blind, natural earthbenders, dangerous if approached the wrong way. "Yeah. I can see that."

"I can feel your claws."

8\. Katara goes with him to the palace. "Aang's going to fight Ozai. You're going to fight Azula. And you tend to do stupid things."

Apparently he's part of her clan now, too. "And you might actually be able to help me."

"Yes."

He spoke with the captain of the palace guard. The man had been kind to a young prince without a mother; now, he'd been a font of information. Azula had sent everyone away, and had been acting erratically before that. Zuko can use that, he knows. But he's wary.

Insane rivals are worse than the sane ones.

"Zuko... are you going to be okay?"

"She was never really my sister," he tells Katara. "Not... Not the way you are with Sokka. She... It's complicated."

Katara rests one hand on his shoulder. "I've got your back."

Yes. And for the first time, it's someone he trusts there. "Thanks. Let's go."

9\. Azula giggles. "Sure, we'll have an Agni Kai. You and me, Zuzu."

Zuko frowns at her, and then they fight.

If he hadn't seen the dragons, it'd be worse than it is. The comet might be strengthening his bending, but it's strengthening hers, too, and Azula's always been a prodigy. Even insane, she's skilled.

But there's one trick Zuko knows he can use against her. All he needs is for her to throw lightning, then he can finish this. The way it needs to be finished.

You don't keep a rabid lion-dog alive, and Azula's much more dangerous.

She aims for Katara instead.

Katara of his clan. Katara, who is dangerous, an ocean in storm- and cannot redirect lightning.

Zuko throws himself between his clan and the blow. When he wakes up, it's all over, and Katara is smiling at him.

He smiles back.

10\. The civilians cheer his speech. Later, he will deal with the people who profited from the war and will see those profits dry up; he will deal with soldiers who can't stand the thought that they were fighting for the _wrong side_ ; he will deal with advisors and generals and counselors, all much older than he is, trying to manipulate him into doing what they want.

He will deal with politics and policies. He will deal with Mai, and their awkward, not quite courtship, based entirely on how dangerous she is.

He will deal with a father in prison and a missing mother, a sister in an asylum, and much later, a mate and cubs. Maybe he'll forget himself and actually call them that, instead of wife and children, but he's the Fire Lord and allowed his eccentricities.

One day, he will wear his true self embroidered on his robes, and people will know him as "the Dragon Fire Lord".

Today, though, he is crowned. Today, Agni smiles down upon Her nation, pleased that they are finally at peace. Today, he spreads wide his invisible wings, mentally claiming these his Islands and these his people, and baring his teeth at anyone and everyone who think different.

He is finally where he is supposed to be, doing what he is supposed to do.

His people.

His throne.

His country.

"You are mine," he tells them, and they cheer.

He's come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was much harder for me to write, mostly because I only planned the first one. For this one, there was a feeling of flailing about in a dark room, trying to hit the right words with a stick. And maybe there was loud music playing so I couldn't hear them all too good, either.
> 
> But it's done. I might use Dragon!Zuko again sometime- he was fun.

**Author's Note:**

> For WiseAbsol, who wanted a dark!fic of the Fire Nation's ruling family. While I think this is a good story that doesn't necessarily need another chapter, we'll see what she can prod me into, aye?


End file.
